I couldn’t have put this any better myself….and share this video because I believe that we use the word LOVE so carelessly…watch it then continue reading…
New Video Alert: Whatever your relationship status. Watch this video! Be sure to like and share!
Posted by Jay Shetty on Monday, April 3, 2017
We treat love like a noun, but it’s a verb
I see people in painful relationships who think their partners still love them even though they’re treated with hate because the word hides the truth
How can someone who loves you abuse you?
I watched this video above about a month ago and started writing this blog posts as I just felt compelled to finally write about a deep personal experience I’ve had. This statement resonates with me so much because I have gone through a painful relationship with my father (Ross Hughes) as he abused my whole family.
My mom for 25 years
My brother for 21 years
Myself for 18 years
(Canada 2013 to visit my brother’s for the birth of his daughter, my niece/goddaughter)
In total he has stolen 64 years from 3 human beings that he called “family” and claimed to “love”. Our family was viewed as being perfect loving family, but behind closed doors, we lived in fear and were mentally and physically abused for many years.
I believe mental abuse is the worst kind of abuse and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone… because it’s like being punched in the face without even knowing it.
I haven’t openly written about this, but I do openly share this story with people I meet because I am not ashamed of what happened… it made me a strong person for it. Many people are surprised when they listen to the story because they would never have guessed I had such a horrible experience as I am such a happy person.
You always got options in your life. Different paths to go down if you choose to see those paths. I am one of those people that just never wants to stay on a path I felt was dark and gloomy. I choose to be happy in my life at such a young age… before even understanding it.
My dad (Fin Williams) always reminds me about the KISS Theory – Keep It Simple Stupid
I love this theory because you if take any situation you are in and apply this theory it makes life so much easier.
We naturally over complicate things and rationalise everything in our relationships because we feel we have to give credit to people in our lives due to their titles in my situation “father/husband”. I would never tolerant abuse or hate from another person the way I did from my father but I did so because he was.
APPLY K.I.S.S Theory – At the end of the day, a human being that is being hurtful towards another human… should never be tolerated no matter what.
Looking back it was that simple, my family over complicated it by rationalising it with titles “father/husband”, society “divorce”, culture “religion”, which is why we suffered for so long.
I have only seen Ross Hughes once and the only words that came out of my mouth when I saw him were “I don’t love you anymore.” I am not sure why those are the words that came out but in a moment of courage/nervousness that is all that came out of me. I walked away right after I said it and never looked back… a huge weight had been lifted off me from holding it in for so many years.
If you don’t know me… I am a very loving person with a big heart and even when I should be so angry… I find it so hard to be because I always want to see the light (good) in those dark (bad) situations.
It has been 14 years since the separation in my family…during that time my stepfather Fin adopted me at the age of 25 when he didn’t need to because I already loved him as a father. I was so honoured by his love and wanting to be my father after never really having that true loving affection from a father figure. I changed my surname to Williams to honour the adoption.
(2017 Hawaii trip my dad Fin joking around with me like usual)
Yes, there is a happily ever after in this story.
Today, I teach yoga and have created this mantra in my kids class that we say a few time before the end of class.
“I love you”
“I love me”
I believe self-love and love for others need to be more evened out. We think we need to love someone so much more than ourselves and that is what true love is… when that is so wrong. You can do both!
If you take any lesson from this story….please take: the lesson to love yourself because when you do… you respect yourself and then other people will in return love and respect you the way you deserve.
Thank you for reading this blog post as it’s very personal but important to share, it’s also very hard to write without getting too much into the details of the story. If you feel like you want to share this story with someone who may need it… please do.
Love Kim x